Warning: this post is ungodly long and of mediocre writing quality.
Feeling everything to its fullest extent is fine, but perhaps it is best to let the hard times lie a little quieter.
On a more positive note from my last notes... the two nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Granted, this is not so much a capturing of words and feelings as it is of something beautiful... but I'm learning that such may be just as precious.
One was a campus security (officer?) at the University of Tulsa, about a week ago. A friend of mine and I needed to use a school building at something like 2 or 3 in the morning, so we called campus security to let us in. As we both are rather prone to talking to anyone and everyone we meet, we spent a few minutes talking to the officer who arrived, just inside the building entrance. He was a very friendly, agreeable man, very pleasant.
I believe it was something about the time of the night and being outside... otherwise, the context has escaped my memory. But whatever the case, I mentioned at some point in the conversation that I wasn't concerned about being out at odd hours of the night, even alone. I just don't see the world that way--I have learned about the dangers and have made an informed decision to, essentially, ignore them. I take a deliberately naive stance and assume that nothing is going to happen, that the people I meet would never hurt a fly. I figure if I treat people right, they'll do the same for me. I think that's the gist of what I said.
The officer told me that the world needed more people like me, and that when people started seeing each other the way I do, that things would get better.
I don't know--I've never seen my way as a better way or anything--it's always been simply the way I cope. I figure if I let myself be afraid, there will always be things to be afraid of, and it'll never end. Being positive keeps me happy, and being happy, enjoying every mountain and valley in my life, is pretty much my goal. To that end, I just keep living. I wing it. I just throw myself into the world and let
something or other catch me, and hope to God I'm not messing up too badly. Hearing what the officer said... it was such a beautiful little moment. I felt for once like I'm doing things
right, at least partially.
